The Conversation We Keep Avoiding About Harassment

Some weeks ago, I watched a video that got me thinking.

The setting was a nightclub.

A young woman, probably in her early twenties, was dancing freely to the music. She wore what could generously be described as a skirt, but only because fashion designers insisted on calling it one. It was so short that I found myself wondering whether the rest of the fabric had simply failed to arrive. Every bend and every turn threatened to reveal more than it concealed. She paired it with a thin-strapped crop top that exposed part of her stomach and cleavage.

As she danced, bending low and rising again, a man walked over and positioned himself directly behind her, so close that there was barely any space between them. In Ghana, we'd simply say he started "grinding" her.

Instantly, she stopped, frowned, and forcefully pushed him away. She was visibly angry.

That reaction made me pause.

Not because I believe the man had a right to do what he did, he absolutely didn't.

No one has the right to invade another person's personal space or touch them without consent.

Harassment remains harassment, regardless of where it happens or what someone is wearing.

But it raised another question:

Why are we increasingly uncomfortable having honest conversations about context, personal responsibility, and expectations?

Let's acknowledge something that shouldn't be controversial.

Many women step out simply wanting to feel beautiful, confident, fashionable, or comfortable. Their clothing is not an invitation.

At the same time, it would also be dishonest to pretend that some people don't intentionally dress to attract attention. Fashion, attraction, confidence, and self-expression often overlap, and people have different motivations.

Here's where I think we need balance.

As adults, we understand the world we live in. We know that attraction exists.

We know that some people are respectful, while others completely ignore boundaries. We know that some individuals will misread friendliness, body language, or clothing, even when they shouldn't.

Does that excuse harassment?

Absolutely not.

But should we completely ignore the realities of human behaviour?

I don't think so.

One of the common responses whenever this topic comes up is:

"Children are harassed too."

That's true.

People in school uniforms are harassed.

Women in oversized clothing are harassed.

Women dressed in religious attire are harassed.

Men are harassed.

None of these victims caused what happened to them.

Which tells us something important:

Harassment is ultimately the responsibility of the harasser.

However, there's another truth we often avoid discussing.

Not every environment is the same.

A nightclub is different from a church service.

A beach is different from a corporate boardroom.

A music festival is different from a family gathering.

Every environment comes with different social expectations, behaviours, and unfortunately, different risks.

If you know certain spaces are filled with people who lack respect for boundaries, is it unreasonable to think carefully about how you present yourself and how you protect yourself not because you deserve harassment otherwise, but because you understand the reality of the environment?

To me, that's not victim-blaming.

That's exercising wisdom.

Just as we lock our doors even though stealing is wrong.

Just as we avoid walking alone through dangerous areas at 2 a.m. even though robbery is illegal.

Taking precautions does not transfer responsibility from the offender to the victim.

Both ideas can exist at the same time:

• Harassment is always wrong.

• People should also make thoughtful decisions based on the environments they choose to enter.

I don't claim to have all the answers.

I'm simply wondering whether we've become so afraid of offending each other that we've stopped having nuanced conversations.

So I'll leave you with a few questions.

• Can someone dress however they like and still expect their boundaries to be respected? (I believe yes.)

• Can we also acknowledge that different environments communicate different social cues? (I believe yes.)

• Is encouraging personal wisdom the same as blaming victims? Or are those two completely different conversations?

  
  

I'd genuinely like to hear your thoughts.

Let's keep the discussion respectful.

You don't have to agree with me, that's the whole point of an opinion piece.

What do you think?